On more than one occasion someone I am dating will slowly begin to pull away. They start acting awkward or will get upset then bite there tongue when I ask them what is wrong. Eventually it will come out.
“I am worried you could leave me for another man/woman because you are Bi. I can’t give you everything you want.”
I have heard this enough times that at this point I actively have to check my rage. Take a moment dear reader and do some math with me.
First, straight men and gay women are out of the pool of possible partners for someone like me, not a big surprise there. Second, believe it or not I get as much hate and awkwardness from gay men as I do straight women. I know it seems strange to suggest that gay men could be homophobic but you would be surprised how many of them have a vary narrow view on what does and does not count as “gay”. I am not so self-loathing that I would want to be with someone that is not okay with who I am.
Now for the bit you would not have guessed. Some people fetishize me. Some want me as a their third with their committed partner. Some women have no interest in me other than to see me have sex with a man. I feel completely foolish when I don’t see the bi-bate in front of me. I am also 100% sure this is not unique to bi individuals. It makes me incredibly wary of the people I let into my life.
My sexuality is not a never ending quest to bed everyone I can and I am not preoccupied with the sex I am not having. I want connection. If you have made it past the friend stage and the walls I have to put up to protect myself you aren’t just a body that exists for my pleasure.
You are my partner.
I can understand insecurities and fears. Hell, I live with them myself. Sexually does not change a persons desire for relationships, that is a whole different spectrum. If you are lucky enough to find a bi man who isn’t erased or closeted, consider them like you would anyone else. Are they loyal, supportive, a complete trash fire? Do not think that a persons sexuality mean they are automatically anything other than human. Start thinking of this as a relationship question, not a sex question.